he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
