R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
