im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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