roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
