He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
