We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
