I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize