when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
love makes seman taste better
stop calling my apartment porn island.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
