i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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