I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
God, I missed his penis.
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