im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
