In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
