I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
