mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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