Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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