I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
