omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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