OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
