Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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