): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
