we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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