We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
