I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize