it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
