He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
