its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
