I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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