O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
