Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
