Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
