dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
