You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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