She said her name was "party"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We're too hungover to prance.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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