dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
