Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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