He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize