She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
