I heard we made out
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We're too hungover to prance.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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