I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
