if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
