Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the day after is always just damage control
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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