Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
