I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
