Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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