I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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