How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
