I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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