Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
