then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
