So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
