Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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