Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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