once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
