my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
4 words: hood of his car
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
