Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
