Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
