mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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