i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
