that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
