I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
