so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Randomize
