I want to walk on stilts...naked
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
