My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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