He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
