not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
