fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
