I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
