that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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