I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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