I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
