he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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