Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he thought i was a dude.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
