after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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