when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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