My Higher Power is John Stamos
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
